Memories and Tales of a broken family.
things are getting out of control.
im breaking down.








BTs are finally over.
Something to relax its good.
But mentioning of Maths getting U again is sian.
i guess i spent too much time studying for Chem.
Hope i can do well for chem bah.

Resulting that im aiming for.

Maths - E (U)
Chem - C (?)
Phy - C (?)
GSC - C (?)
GP - E (?)





Hope they are coming true.












Talking about which.
BTs ended ytd.
So i stayed over at kekang house, watched a few movies and helped to bake sampler cookies for learning festival.
Coming home, taking a nap, dinner and was aiming for a dota match before i turn in for school tml.
Guess wad.




Mommy: eh, exam over alr izzit, why are u playing all day long?


Me: *silences* -> trying my best here miss ong if your reading this.


Mommy: taking a day off at your friend house not enough izzit. You think that BT is a big exam? You think your big exam finish alr izzit. Can start playing alr izzit.


Me:*still silences* Usually i would have fight back by the first sentence.


Mommy: Shut down your computer and go and study now! *time check: 10.00pm* I usually aleep around 11.00pm.



Me: *In the middle of a dota match, u expect me to stop?* Okay soon im sleeping okay.


Mommy: This is what u only know how to do. Play Play Play Play. Results alr so lousy, teacher stopping you from CCA, hoping that your able to spend more time on studies and your there playing.


Me:*silence* *always got full of things to rebutt against her, im trying my best to keep it down, i dont wish to argue again*



Mommy:Look at how u study and your sisters study, still dont want close your laptop izzit. Fine, when u get back your results, if u did badly, im going to meet your teacher. If u didnt do well for As, im going to stop u from schooling.


Me:For a moment i think i went blackout. Too much holding back.










Chinese saying goes.
REN BI REN, QI SI REN.






I really dont understand my mum.
Its not like as if im not studying at all,


Im just taking a break off my studies since its after my BT.
And she keep screaming and screaming about me playing,
Those who are reading this, do u guys think that i should be deserve for a break?






Im really breaking down soon.
Communication is really bad with her.
Everytime we always end of arguing,
with me and her crying.




Mommy:*My son is not even studying hard even when he is doing badly*



Son:*Cant i take just a small break of dota match as a breather from BTs?*


Ma, you dont even see me studying at all.
My laptop is at home, and i try my best to study outside.
I am working my ass off trying to improve.
And all u see is me on the comp, checking tutorials answers,
THINKING IM PLAYING.







And everytime i tried to explain,
she thinks im just trying to fight back, talk back to her.
I really do not know how to communicate with her anymore. Seriously.








Another worrying thing is.
She keep complaining of frequent blackout.
Check it on google, its a main symptom of STROKE.
S.T.R.O.K.E.
told her about it,
guess whats her reply.



Mommy: I suffer from strokes nevermind, i got buy insurance, at most hire nurse only ma.




Whats shes really afraid is needles and taking blood test,
thats why she refuses to go to the doctor.
She is afraid that when she goes for consultation, the doctor would diagnose that she has diabetes(which she alr know) and get tied down to regular consultation, regular needles and blood test.




For goodness sake, going for treatment for stroke is even worse,
she might not even talk, or walk.
Just spending the rest of her like paralyse in worst case scenario.
And she doesnt mind.









Worse of all, she end it off with a
I WOULDNT SUFFER FROM THIS DIEASES AT ALL IF U DONT MAKE ME ANGRY.




MAKE ME ANGRY = ME USING THE COMP.



ME USING THE COMP = PLAYING DOTA AFTER BTs.
= CHECKING TUTORIAL ANSWERS.






Thinking about it myself.
I think i would die first.
rather than her.
She totally dont understand the life that im in.
BERSERK.
REALLY BERSERK NOW.






I dunno what must i do.
then she is happy.






LEAVE THE HOUSE.
GO COMMIT SUICIDE.


















my dad die because of late discovery.
and she wants the same thing?
should i be mentally prepared,
thats she might pass away?














GOD.
GOD.
GOD!!!!