Nowadays people been passing on, which lead me to continue this second topic i wanna talk about after peirong that post. This gonna be a emo one.

2nd disgusted signs of humans. We treat things for GRANTED. Especially PARENTS.
Now, people reading, especially youths out there, tell me honestly, is there a specific point in time during ur teenage life whereby u hope that ur parents would just f*ck off and die.
i would tell u honestly, at least out of 6 in 10 teenagers would agree to that. In Singapore, i definitely feel that its a trend going, for at least most of the teenagers i believe. When parents scold you about bad results, going out late with friends. U would definitely feel that they are a sore in the eye, why cant they just get out of my life?

Now, when they are gone, do u feel the blame, tell me. Now, let me tell u this, u would feel more pain than u ever experience in this whole human teenage life. The very first pain to hit u is guilt.




Alright, its time to be a bit emo, i have to bring this topic up once again. Ok, life example ok, Me myself. Let me bring you into my life story.
Hmm lets see, family of 5. I have 2 elder sisters, age of 5 and 10 years apart???
So sorry, i cant rmb the age difference of my eldest sister, from this u can see the worst relationship between sibling u can get, don even know my own sis age.
Ok, i have a mom, age 52, housewife, plays stocks occesionally at home. A WIDOW.
My dad. dead on jun 21st 2006. Ex-Mechanics in SATS ( a sub company of SIA) he was a smoker, with heart dieases, drink during festivals. don really do much straineous exercise.
Ok, lets start my life off from young. Ok, i have my 2 sisters, who are consistently good in their studies, eldest grad from chueng cheng high main, Sp, den NUS.
Other one who grad from duman high sec, tjc, den currently now in NTU going in her second year.
And me? oh, during kindergarden i was still alright, but once im in primary school, i feel i was doing fine, but not up to my dad standard, due to my poor english foundation ( i am in a chinese speaking family) so i didnt really had a good relationship with my dad, better with my mom i can sae.
And relationship with my eldest sis was worse, she refuse to teach neither my sis or me, believing on the basis that she did her studies on her own, (dont count tuition), and managed well.
So me and my second sis wasnt very good with our eldest sis. From this, first problem, my dad wasnt happy at all, siblings not very happy to help each other out, as compared to his childhood, where everone help each other out.
He had a theory in mind, that we should be treasuring our studies, becos when he was young, he would actually make it on to JC, but family no money. so he had to come out and work. So he tinks, cnt study den don study, come out and work, don waste his money. But he don really hopes us to be like him, working as a mechanics, earning very little income.
Now let me bring in the main conflicts i had with my dad, cos from what i see its like, i cost most of his anger.
Hmm, very first. age of 5, i like to play with fire, take small pieces of paper and start to burn it. I was caught like 2 times, final warning, still played. Kill myself, he saw the ashes left behind in the balcony, i was 6 then. He locked me out of the house, leaving me begging and crying till 1 am, even my neighbour begging wouldnt help. My mom let me in when he was asleep.

From P1 to P6, at least 4 times a year, i would make him angry. Becos of wad? bingo, my results, why, cos me and my 2 sis all in same pri school. Damai pri, compare my results and theirs, its like heaven and hell? i even got into the last class in p2, but amazing pop into the gifted class in p3. As being the boy of the family, i should be expected of better results, so clearly i have not being doing hard enough, and whenever results are back. It would always end of with screaming and crying of me. Actual speaking of my dad, he is actually, erm, a very guai lan person. when u cry, he would sae, u cry la, cry somemore, i haven beat u u cry. U cont crying la, i make sure u cry harder. U know, threatens. Most importantly, this is the phrase i would nvr forget. The next exam u don do well, i would drop u out of school immediately. I would always end up crying in my own bed after the lecture by him. Many of times, i would really really have suicide thoughts, of me killing myself, seriously u know, cos i tot that would not make my dad angry and make this a happy family.

P5 was another point of agitation. mid year exams, first paper, english, u guys know, eng don need study wan right. well, so i was happily watching tv while my dad was working, my mum wasnt very happy that i am not studying, as i am more afraid of my dad, i didnt take much of her nagging, to take it under notice when she CALLED my DAD at work. ( she always threaten to do that, but did not in the end).

I was really stunned, within like, 20 minutes, it was the worst part of my life. i was preparing for the worst, trying to rush as much assessments books as possible, hoping to tell him that i did something before i watched tv ( in fact tv was actually banned for me during exams periods. ) Something amazed me, he took less than 20 minutes to reach home, which actually in fact he need more than 3 hrs to reach home, as he have to finish his shift and take 2 bus ride before he can reach home. Conclusion: he took a cab home without even finishin his shift.

Very first thing he did when he reach home, he took my school bag, took a lift down, and threw my bad beside the big rubbish chute, and he said, u dont have to study anymore, if u dare to bring this back home, u dont need to enter, throughout the whole progress, i was chasing him, pulling the bag and begging him not to throw it, telling him i want to study, with so many people in the lift, and me bare-footed. Tears just kept flowing out of my eyes, and i dont know why. I pick up the bag, trying to bring it home, and he just stood right in front of the door, saying that if i dare to bring the bag home, he would chase me out of the house, calling me a good for nothing.


And years go on, till the very day. June 21st 2006. I was at anglican high, attending my robotics workshop. While working on my robot, i put my phone aside. Coming back to surprise, i saw 55 missed call from my phone, all directing to my house. I was like. WTF. Called back, my uncle pick up, and i was like, how come my uncle is at my hse for no reason? Den he told me, quickly come home, something bad happen, i asked. YOUR DAD JUST PASSED away.

I was like shock? at first, no tears at all, i tried to hold. Until the very moment, i was the first among the 3 children, to reach home, to see a dead man right in front of his eyes, he was like, in pain, as u can really sees it in his eyes, unbearable pain. From then, tears roll down my eyes, and i just cried like freak, keep calling out to him.

Worst even all, when the undertaker came, they carried him, his body was like. Totally stiff, and im likeCRYING more out, than ever.

The rest was the wake, sleepless nights for 4 days 3 nights, crying beside his coffin, as i never knew it would be so early to say goodbye.

Last of all, the every lasting pain is during the cremation, i believe when ur relative dies u just see the coffin got burn up. But when it comes to someone ur really close to. Its like ur seeing him setting up on fire right in front of you. days later of bones is what is remain. And u nvr believe that This would happen to you at all.

At all....

Alright, need to stop here, cannot stop my waterworks alr. Everytime of saying him would makes me tear.












Cause here in my heart,
there's a picture of us,
together forever,
and unfaded and unbroken.
DAD.
i miss you.






#_Depressionist_Jay
2046.